time machine or deleting the memory programme

if there is such thing as time machine or some kind deleting the memory programme, i'll be the first person to try it cause i have lots of things that i wish i didn't do it or some people that maybe i should not know about their existance( not because they are evil or something like that) in this world. i'm sorry but i do wish that way because maybe my life would be different if i can erase that memories and i won't feel like what i feel rite now...
i know i'm being too emotional and dramatic but i can't help it...

what should i feel or think???

today,
there are lots of things in my mind,
i feel sad while i'm thinking bout it,
but at the same time i'm happy remembering that moment,
i keep looking at that place,
and i wish i can turn the time back to few months ago,
i really wish i can do that,
but it is impossible,
i have to face it and stop dreaming,
uh, it's killing me,
i want him to know but at the same time i dont,
actually i dont even know what i what,
things are not like what i expect them to be,
i'm sad,
i'm frustrated,
i'm confused,
sometimes, i feel like i lost in my sadness,
i told myself to be strong,
i told myself to just let it go,
but it might just some kind of lies that i create to cover up my feelings,
i dont know what i have to do,
i dont have the courage to cry or shout out my emotions,
maybe the truth is i'm losing myself,
figuratively i'm sinking in the ocean of sadness and loneliness,
and in the end, i just cant let everything go that easily.

what if (ni bkn translate sajak usman awng tau)

what if
ape yg kte nk
kite x dapat
msti rase bengang gler2
tapi beberape hari lps tu msti cm pk blk
kenape x leh dapt bnde2 tu

what if
kite cm the only one yg still single
sedangkn kwn2 lain semua da berpunye
tangan asyik pegang phone 24 hours
then kdg2 tgh mlm gayut smpai cm lupe nk tido
adakah kte kena risau
sekiranya 10 tahun lagi kte x kawen
sbb skarang kte single

what if
keje cm berlambak2
tapi kite x de desire langsung tuk buat
pastu semua org cm mencurahkan sepenuh semangat tuk siapkan bnde tu
x ke kite rase cm x bergune
or rse cm nk marah kat org yg tgh wat keje tu
tapi adakah tindakan itu berpatutan...

hmmm,
dalam hidup ni
x semua dapat ape yg die org nk...
btl tak???

finally...

lama kot tunggu...
akhirnya dapat gak...